What Repentance Should Feel Like

The first half of Section 19 is defining Endless torment and Eternal punishment. It is God's torment and punishment as Endless and Eternal are two of his names. As we traveled from Utah after Dad's funeral, we listened to an audio book by Joel Rosenberg where he describes the end of the world. One character has demons scratching out his eyes and he realizes that that will be happening to him for the rest of eternity. The description in this section of the Doctrine and Covenants of what will happen to us if we fail to repent is not pleasant - we will suffer as Christ suffered, but we are also promised that we need not suffer if we would repent.

Then, the comforting words regarding his mission: "Learn of me, and listen to my words; walk in the meekness of my Spirit, and you shall have peace in me." He then commands us not to be covetous, not only of other's spouses, property or their lives, but not to covet even our own property. Earthly status, wealth, even reputation are secondary to the will of the Father.

"Pray always, and I will pour out my Spirit upon you, and great shall be your blessing - yea, even more than if you should obtain treasures of earth and corruptibleness to the extent thereof. Behold canst thou read this without rejoicing and lifting up thy heart for gladness?"

There is gladness when the Spirit is assisting our walk in life. What, though, of those times that we have acted to repel the Spirit? It is so easy to become discouraged because it seems that we fall into a pattern of behavior that we thought we had overcome or we violated our consciences once again. We know that we are forgiven if we repent, but that we must not enter into that sin again. We did anyway.

Elder D. Todd Christofferson gave a masterful address on this subject in the October 2011 General Conference.  Part of his talk addressed this issue: " Surely the Lord smiles upon one who desires to come to judgment worthily, who resolutely labors day by day to replace weakness with strength. Real repentance, real change may require repeated attempts, but there is something refining and holy in such striving. Divine forgiveness and healing flow quite naturally to such a soul, for indeed 'virtue loveth virtue; light cleaveth unto light; [and] mercy hath compassion on mercy and claimeth her own' (D&C 88:40)." (Emphasis added)

There are two things to keep in mind. First, discouragement is not of God. The source of discouragement is Satanic.  There is a place for it if it brings us safety or redirects us to something better than what we are currently pursuing, but more often it keeps us from stepping out of our comfort zones and achieving more. Stare discouragement in the eye and go forward anyway. It is a subtle form of fear which is the antithesis of faith.  Second, Christ's atonement is not limited to just the first sin. It is an infinite atonement. Of course, we cannot use that as an excuse to continue in our destructive paths with the idea that we will someday take advantage of the atonement, but for today we will be self indulgent. But when we return to the Savior with sincere hearts and the true desire to change our lives, his grace is sufficient.  Now we can truly lift up our hearts for gladness.